When we were human: Dark Edition
by Solaris-the-small
Summary: A series of interconnected drabbles based on the darker thoughts of what might happen if our favorite alien giant robots were suddenly turned human and were all brought together under one roof as a big dysfunctional family.
1. Barricade - regret

It wasn't long after Optimus had invited them to come live at the mansion that Barricade found himself looking back at the past. At first it was merely a brief pause. A bit of remembrance marked by the shaking of his head and an agitated sigh.

He had to remind himself that they were his enemies. Sure he lived with them now but that didn't mean they were suddenly friends. No he was pretty sure that trigger happy lunatic known as Ironhide would still shoot him just for looking at him the wrong way. Well either that or he'd shoot Frenzy. That little heap of hyper had a painfully accurate sense of timing when it came to redirecting the gun crazed idiots negative attention towards himself,And all he had to say was a single a dangerously close call that centered around that fact was what really caused his thoughts to change.

Frenzy had pulled his usual stunt popping up during one of Ironhide's more violent tirades. He had barely started to speak before Ironhide spun around to face him. In that one second Barricade's blood ran cold as Frenzy's expression changed to pure terror. Ironhide had _actually_ pulled a gun. Barricade closed his eyes and turned away waiting for the shot to ring out. There was no way he could reach frenzy in time. Instead he heard shouting and Frenzy was crying He turned around only to see that the autobots youngest member Bumblebee had managed to tackle Ironhide just in time.

After that single action from Bumblebee Barricade had began to rethink his past actions and the negative effects they had had on so many lives. At first the sadness was brief and fleeting, but as time wore on and he got to know the Autobots better the sadness turned to regret. When Ironhide finally revealed the cause of his shoot first ask later personality the regret turned to bitterness and self loathing.


	2. Frenzy - worry

The brief pauses had long since turned to distant stares. At times he would even start to cry. Sometimes it would go on for so long that occasionally someone would notice. sometimes just calling his name would work. Other times you'd have to literally shake him out of if. At first He would just laugh it off and tell everyone that he was okay.

For a while everyone more or less turned a blind eye. Afterall they each had their own issues to deal with. Frenzy however was the exception. He had called bullshit immediately. Then again the fact that they were roommates probably made ignoring what was wrong with his friend almost impossible. It's kind of hard to ignore someone crying himself to sleep when you're in the same room. One night Frenzy wandered over to Barricades bed as soon as he heard the soft sobbing begin.

Barricade was lying in bed on his side facing away from him. When Frenzy placed his hand on his shoulder he felt his friend immediately tense. Then slowly Barricade rolled over and sat up. Even in the dark Frenzy could tell that Barricade was wiping tears away from his eyes. When he tried to ask what was wrong the only answer that his friend would give was a hastily mumbled "Stress". Frenzy eyed his friend skeptically but let the subject drop when he got on further reply. With a defeated sigh he returned to his own bed. As he drifted off to sleep he failed to see Barricade get out of bed…

When he woke up the next morning Barricade was already up and dressed… in long sleeves… in the middle of a california July. At first Frenzy thought nothing of it. Barricade usually wore longer clothing indoors but as soon as he had to go outside for an extended period he usually changed into something more appropriate for whatever the weather called for. It wasn't until he walked out the door with Optimus and Jazz _without_ changing that Frenzy _knew_ that something was definitely wrong. What was his friend hiding from him?


	3. Bumblebee - fears and family

Ironhide was dazed, well more like blindsided actually. He hadn't expected the youngest member of their unit to be able to tackle him to the floor like that. Not only that but once he had managed to roll over onto his back trying to sit up Bumblebee had immediately drawn by his arm and punched him, causing the back of his head to collide painfully with the marble floor beneath them. When was finally able to focus he was about to throw the teen off of him. But one look at his face changed his mind. The teen had tears in his eyes.

Slowly Ironhide pushed Bumblebee back and sat up. He was going to ask why he had reacted like he had but even as a human Bumblebee still rarely talked. It had to be extremely important for him to speak. Ironhide sat there watching the youngest autobot for a moment.

Once he had managed to sit up the boy had retreated from him a short distance. He watched as the teen pulled his knees up to his chest and tried to make himself as small as possible. He knew exactly what the boy was doing. It was a defence mechanism that he himself had once used. The smaller you get the more protected you feel. As Bumblebee's shoulders began to shake Ironhide stood up and walked over to him. He sat down again beside him and wrapped an arm around the teens shoulders gently trying to pull hims out of the tight little ball that he'd curled himself into.

All at once Bumblebee had thrown his arms around Ironhide's neck and was crying into his shoulder. Slowly Ironhide wrapped his other arm around the boy and held on to him for dear life. He knew that he should probably be saying something or trying to get the boy to stand so they could go and find Optimus, because holy Primus their leader was better at this sort of thing. But try as he might Ironhide couldn't find the strength to move nor the words to say. So instead he sat there with the crying teen in his arms. The only time he even dared to let his attention stray from the boy was to give Jazz a death glare when he came into the room. As the second in command ran off he turned back to Bumblebee. The teen must have exhausted himself crying because he was asleep now but he was still clinging to the gunner's shoulders for dear life.

After a little awkward shifting Ironhide had finally managed to pick up Bumblebee and began to carry the teen to his bedroom. He was carrying him bridal style because the boy had refused to let go of him. The teen drifted in and out of sleep as he walked but regardless of whether he was asleep or awake he could tell the boy was deep in thought.

Once he had gotten the boy safely tucked into bed he turned to leave and was shocked when the teens hand caught his wrist. He turned to Bumblebee only to see that the tears had returned to his eyes. Then the boy spoke it was barely a whisper.

"Don't ever do that again 'hide. You and the others are the only family i have left now, and i don't want to any lose you. You guys mean everything to me..."

As the hand went limp Ironhide could tell that the youngest member of their group had finally given into his exhaustion and fallen into a deep sleep. As he turned back to leave he saw Optimus standing in the doorway with a worried look on his face. He knew that the Autobot leader more than likely viewed their youngest member as his own son but right now the last thing he needed was for his leader to have a nervous break down to. As he walked past him He grabbed Optimus' shoulder and practically dragged him away.


	4. Jazz - PTSD

Jazz hadn't slept peacefully since his return to life. Every night it was the same thing. After about an hour of sleep he would wake up with a scream and sit bolt upright in bed again the sheets clinging to his sweat drenched skin. It was the nightmare again. He knew he was perfectly safe and that it was just a dream. Only it wasn't a dream.

Actually it was a memory. A memory he desperately wanted to forget. One minute he was climbing all over Megatron taunting him as he went. Then suddenly something caught his legs. Oh Primus Megatron had managed to grab him. He struggled violently in the much larger mechs grasp. Then he felt the other hand clamp itself tightly around his chest. Oh Primus help him. He could feel his midsection stretching in a painful way then suddenly something inside him snaps and for a split second the agony is so profound there are no words for it. After that there's nothing no other sparks that had gone before him, no familiar voices. Just an endless lonely void.

The sudden feeling of a hand on his shoulder jolted Jazz from his memory and he looked around wildly ready to fight back if need be. In the dim light however he saw Ratchet instead. The worried look in his CMO's eyes told him that Ratchet had probably been woken up by his earlier screams. Jazz looked away. His arms moving almost on their own to cover the scar around his waist. It always hurt after he woke up from the nightmare or thought about its cause for too long.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to go get a wrench?" Ratchet asked him.

Jazz shifted uncomfortably. "It was just a nightmare…" he began.

"That's bullshit. And we both know it." Ratchet replied cutting Jazz's explanation short. "You're covering your scar. Is it hurting you?"

Jazz nodded. "It hurts when I think about it or have the nightmare." He winced as the scar twinged once again.

Ratchet sat on the edge of Jazz's bed. "Lay down so I can check out the scar. There might be some underlying nerve damage that's causing some of your pain."

Jazz shifted for a moment before doing as he was told. Ratchet began his examination pressing firmly into the scarred flesh around his waist. After several minutes Ratchet withdrew his hands and stood slowly. "Have you remembered anything other than your fight with Megatron?"

Jazz shook his head. "Not any real memories just bits of emotion here and there around certain people."

Ratchet nodded slowly. "Well that's still a start. It'll get better soon Jazz."

Jazz pulled the covers over himself and rolled onto his side. His frustration clear in his movements. "Whatever you say Doc."

Ratchet shook his head. He hated being called Doc, but he could understand Jazz's frustration. "I'll call Lennox tomorrow to see if we can set up something with a psychiatrist." When he got no reply from Jazz he went back to his room to try to go back to sleep.


	5. Ironhide - Shoot First, Ask Later

It had been nearly three weeks since he had nearly shot Frenzy. Ironhide had been doing his best to avoid the pair of 'cons ever since then. Especially now that the Anniversary of his "graduation" was less than a day away. He had been doing a pretty good job of it to, but that changed after he ran head first into Optimus while trying to avoid Barricade in the hall. After a long conversation and a bit of yelling on his part it was decided that he would sit down with both Barricade and Frenzy and explain his actions.

So there they sat in Optimus' office. Frenzy looked to be on the edge of a panic attack, Barricade looked bored, and Ironhide looked stressed. Optimus was sitting behind his desk watching. He was ready to break up any fight that might start between the men in front of him. When no one spoke up Optimus addressed the group. "In light of recent events I thought it best to get the three of you together in the same room to clear up a few things so that we may hopefully be able to move forward with a better understanding of one another" Optimus looked pointedly at Ironhide who shifted uncomfortably at his prime's stern gaze.

Finally with a deep breath Ironhide began to speak. " what Optimus means is that he wants me to tell you why I felt it necessary to pull a gun on the two of you and few weeks ago. It all started a few years before the war really got started. Back in those days I was in training to be a lower level security officer. Well unfortunately back in those days were when the bombings started. It was my graduation day from training as a matter of fact tomorrow is actually the anniversary of it. But anyway just as the ceremony was about to begin a bomb went off outside. We all rushed outside to see if we could help. It was then that I saw my worst fear realized. My creators, My mate and our newsparked son had been caught in the blast." Ironhide let out a shaky breath before continuing "none of them made it. Fortunately neither did the bomber. They found him laying face down and when they rolled him over I saw that it was my best friend. And I saw that… that fragging emblem on his chest I swore to myself then and there that if I ever had that emblem in my sights again I'd kill whoever was wearing it." Ironhide looked away from everyone. He hated remembering that day.

The room was quiet for several moments. Everyone's mood had changed. Frenzy was surprisingly enough wiping tears away from his eyes, Barricade appeared to be deep in thought, and Ironhide was trying desperately hard not to break down and cry. Everyone seemed to waiting for someone else to say something. Surprisingly enough it was Barricade who finally spoke up. "I won't say I understand your pain exactly… but I've felt something very similar. Joining the Decepticons hadn't really been in my plans… but that changed when my creators joined. I was still quiet young at the time and disobeying their wishes could have gotten me sent back to the youth sector, so I joined to. Growing up within the decepticons changed me. I started looking at people I called friends as enemies just because they didn't follow my cause, and worse than that I was taught to kill without remorse. I… I never wanted this, but I was still so young when it happened that by the time I could change it… well the damage had already been done." Barricade slumped back into his chair. Looking down at his hands. Next to him Frenzy spoke up his English broken and stuttering. "N… never wan… wanted join nei… neither. Sou...Soundwave join, Fr… Frenzy n… n…not get ch… choice. Fr… Frenzy do bad th… things ca… cause Fr… Frenzy d… dead if he no do." With that being said Frenzy lapsed back into tears.

After a few moments of no one saying anything everyone left the office. First was Frenzy and he bolted, Barricade was next after a moment he seemed almost haunted by something as he stood and walked almost mechanically out of the room. Ironhide sat there for a good long moment before the dam broke and he did start to cry. Optimus moved from behind his desk and pulled a chair closer to Ironhide and sat down.

This wasn't the first time he'd listened to the weapons specialist explain himself, but this was definitely the first time he'd seen his old friend grieve for his family openly. Usually the explanation was yelled and filled with promised threats, but this… this had been sadly mumbled without even the vaguest mention of a threat. After a long while of sitting there Optimus stood again and gently pulled Ironhide to his feet. Ironhide leaned heavily against him.

As the two made their way out of the office Optimus began to walk Ironhide back to his room when he doubled back toward his own room instead. He didn't think the weapons specialist needed to be alone and he had two beds in his room. Once they gotten to his room Optimus got Ironhide settled on to the spare bed and sat down beside him. This was a side of himself the weapons specialist very rarely if ever showed, and if Optimus was to be completely honest seeing Ironhide like this scared the living hell out of him.


End file.
